Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Bittersweet

As many of you know, Joel and I are journalists in the Detroit area. Last night, I covered a small election in some communities in and around Detroit -- little stuff like millage proposals, school district bonds, and the like. When the results came in from one city counting on a millage proposal (tax increase) to help them save their services as they struggle with major money problems -- it passed -- an elected official told me the results were bittersweet. It didn't solve their budget worries but it helped.

The word struck me: bittersweet. That's exactly how I felt the moment I found out I was expecting a boy. It felt bittersweet -- to lose a child, a baby boy, and now to be expecting another. Bittersweet.

As I approach the end of this pregnancy with all its aches, pains, and endless bathroom trips, I'm getting more and more anxious to meet this little person. I want to meet the little boy who likes "Bohemian Rhapsody" when I put headphones on my belly, who kicks the minute I pick up his sister, whose foot I've seen graze from one side to the other of my stomach, who I've dreamed of.

I can't wait to hear his voice. I never heard Will cry aloud (because of the ventilator). Ever. And while we heard Hope cry the tiniest of cries in the delivery room, Joel and I both long to hear a huge, throaty cry of "Where the heck am I?!???? Put me back!"

I've been wondering and worrying if this baby will need to go to the NICU like Will and Hope. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he'll be big enough and his lungs mature enough at 37 weeks not to need the NICU. But I'm preparing myself just in case.

So that's where we are -- 13 days away from my c-section. I'm so excited to see my little boy, to study his face, kiss his cheeks, and smell his hair. And yet a part of me is sad too, sad for the little boy whose time on this earth was far too brief, missing him like always. Bittersweet.



P.S. I apologize for the heavy post. Blame the hormones.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mo,
That was so heartfelt and well written. I am so excited for your whole family. This journey you are on is about to get more exciting. I was hoping to see you before the delivery but remember I will be thinking of you.
Lots of love,
Lori

heidi @ ggip said...

Yes, it must be so bittersweet. I never realized you never got to hear Will. I know when Blue was on the vent (after not having been for a while) it was so strange not to hear any noises at all.

I hope your c section goes really smoothly and I know it will be so great to have your new little boy to meet!

Pam said...

Great post Mo...you've been on my mind so much, and I'm sending loads of love and good vibes your way. I totally get the bittersweet part of this. Sweet baby Will and The Hopeinator are so lucky to have you as parents, and this new little one is equally lucky. You are both strong, loving people...I love watching you guys, you make it look easy. Love and big hugs.Miss you loads. I call dibs on the head sniffing! xoxoxo

heidi @ ggip said...

Happy Mother's Day!

Rachelle said...

It must have been so hard to never hear Will cry - it makes me sad to know this too. You and Joel are amazing parents and I know you draw strength from the memories of Will. He will be there with you when your new son is born - making sure everything goes alright. Hope will make a terrific big sister and your family has a wonderful future ahead. Good luck with your C-section, I will pray everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to hear the good news! The Riedmiller family is rooting for you!

P.S. Thanks for the kind words you wrote about my blog post. It makes it all worth it!

Rhonda said...

Thinking of you guys and praying things go well. Can't wait to see pictures!!

Anonymous said...

Will is zipping around doing HIS job...keeping an eye over his SPECIAL family. And his new brother on his coming-out-day!!

All prayers and peace on this wonderful day Aunt Norm

Deb said...

I'm sending really good thoughts your way as you are even closer to your big day. I hope all goes well, and that you get to hear some really loud cries really soon. Here's to more sweet than bitter in the days ahead.

Debbie said...

As you can see I waited a long time to respond to this one.....Will holds such a special place in my heart. I wish I would have been able to meet him. I am so glad I was a part of your life while he was in this world. It was a privilege to be able to follow along on the blog and feel like we all played some small role in his life.

May you hear the cries you have been dreaming of. I plan on meeting the new babe as soon as possible. I want to tell him all about another special guy I knew :-)
xoxox, deb

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post!
I'm thinking of all of you and thrilled to see Oscar! Say hi to Joel for me.
Much love,
Tony

Elizabeth said...

Beautiful post, Maureen.

Congratulations to the both of you!